“Hi, I’m Karen. A 26-year-old boss lady banker who has been in charge of all the decisions in her life. From the age of 15, I have been an independent soul finding my way through the world, earning and funding myself completely. Even in my relationships, I have been the decision-maker, the dominant type. I have built a solid personality for myself and am proud of it through and through. Everything is hunky dory until I get this urge from time to time to want to experience BDSM as a Submissive. I read about it and stumbled upon the term Alpha Submissive, which resonates to a great extent with my personality. Now, I don’t know how to let go of my Control Freak Nature in bed during BDSM Play, as that’s the only way I’ve known to be for the last 10 years. Help this girl out!”
To Answer Your Question…
Karen, we totally get what you are saying. Feeling like you can’t ever let go of control that too, to a man is absolutely natural. That is also the way you’ve been brought up and made to feel as a modern woman. Depending on men is so last season, let alone submitting to one sexually. You’d much rather buy a whole collection of sex toys and not need a man for anything in your life. But we also get the dilemma of wanting to experience the Submissive side of the Dom-Sub dynamic in BDSM control. This wish for both worlds is what sets you apart from the other Submissive in the BDSM community.
First of all, you need to internalize the fact that you really don’t need to do this under pressure. Only if you feel like it should you be trying to adjust as a Submissive if it doesn’t come naturally to you. As far as our experience with an Alpha Submissive goes, we know for sure that you’re the one who calls the shots in real life and are a strong-headed individual but wish to step onto the other side for once. Now, to assure you of control, even in BDSM play and dynamic, as a Submissive, you are the one who makes the decision to offer your submission and hand the reins to a worthy Dom partner. It is you who should have transparent communication and enough trust in your partner to be able to de-throne yourself from your life for that given point in time.
Tips and Tricks for Alpha Submissive
Once you are sure of the above-mentioned things, give the following tips a thorough read and try implementing them in an effort to lose control and turn off your Alpha.
Meditation & Affirmation
As cliché as it may sound, controlling and exercising your breath before Sexual Play can be liberating. You need to calm yourself & tell yourself that it is okay to have fun and let go of control for some time, as an Alpha Submissive. Take yourself to a happy place mentally, and only if you are able to place that kind of trust in your Dom, decide that you would obey them and explore Sexual Submission to derive maximum pleasure out of it.
Costume & Positions
Without any doubt, Submissive costumes and positions add a lot of character to the feeling of submitting yourself to the Dominant partner. An Alpha Submissive personality might hesitate in indulging with vulnerability but once there is a Submission Collar around your neck and you kneel down as part of your submission tasks, you might gradually start feeling into it and comfortable with the Dom taking charge of things.
Another factor that adds to the feel of Subs is the usage of Honorifics. We recommend you try them out especially since you are an Alpha Submissive person, as addressing your partner as Master/Mistress etc., can get you into the groove of Submission. Letting go of control becomes easier once you build the habit of having to call your Dom partner by a specific Honorific.
You can also use Bondage as a practice to leave no choice but to surrender. When you’re physically tied up or bound by a handcuff or something, you will get used to the idea of losing BDSM Control and might even find pleasure in behaving bratty at first, then finally submitting to your Dom as part of BDSM Play.
For as long as you can actually be in control, go ahead and rule the world. This is one such step—the Pre-Negotiation. You are entitled to have an equal say in what you want from the Sexual experience, what your Hard and Soft Limits are and what would you be offering to the partnership. Here is where you can take control, make the choice and ask as many questions as you want from your Dom partner so that you are relieved about having to surrender control in the later part. As an Alpha Submissive female, it is okay to feel insecure about doing this. But you still have a whole lot of control in the sense that you can call it off anytime you feel like it. So don’t worry.
A healthy way to engage in BDSM play with a Submissive Alpha Female is to establish Safe words. This way, they can signal their level of comfort during play. If they feel any kind of major discomfort they can call the Safeword and the Dom needs to stop the play completely at that point. There is also mild discomfort Safe words to warn the Dom. An interactive BDSM play is a great way to have fun while having some control over it.
Always keep in mind, aftercare is as important as the actual BDSM Play. More so, in the case of Alpha Submissive because they need to get back in control of their lives after an intense session of obeying and losing all of it. Tender aftercare is much needed for such people to get back into the kickass demeanor that they hold in life outside their bedroom. It can gradually end the power dynamic and once the pedestals are equal, they are good to go.
We hope all of these suggestions made sense. You don’t have to rush into anything for anyone. Only do it and make an effort to adjust if you feel like exploring the Submissive role. Else maybe you are a Dom made to lead in life and in bed. You don’t need anybody to tell you what to do and what not to. Just do it for yourself.