As much as people like to have risky and rough sex, having a safe word has become quite essential and common in recent times. But what are safe words, why is it necessary to have Safe Words? Safe words can help you and your partner and be beneficial for both. They help you recognize boundaries and make sure you don’t push them. Safe Words are typically used in a dominant and submissive setting during bondage. Bondage can involve some extreme sexual practices and items like Ben Wa Balls. However, every submissive roleplayer has their own distinctive safe word that binds the dominant with signals to continue, pause, play, or stop.
The safewords are a way to instruct the dominant if something is triggering the submissive emotionally, and in case of a sadism and masochism scene that involves extreme amounts of pain like while using a bondage rope a safe word can help the dominant understand when something is getting too much for the submissive to bear physically or psychologically and encourages the dominant to stop so they don’t end up hurting the submissive.
What are Safe Words?
When it comes to BDSM or just rough, sex things can go from hot to hurt really fast and can cause you and your partner serious harm as this practice involves items like BDSM handcuffs and ropes. Safe Words can help you overcome that and ensure your and your partner’s safety in bed. Typically the submissive gets to choose one or more safe words that identify as instructions like “keep going”, “it’s getting too much”, or “I can’t take it anymore”.
Safe words are constructive in scenes that involve consensual non-consent play. This also contributes to when you are performing resistance or edge ply as a part of kink which is also consensual. “Stop” is a common phrase used in similar scenarios as a part of our reflex mechanism so it’s wise to use another word instead to convey similar feelings.
BDSM safewords can be used by both parties although its typically often used by the submissive rather than the dominant. Safe words are usually short and easy-to-remember words that you and your partner can mutually agree on so it’s convenient for both partners and use them to guide the other in performing in a better way.
How to Pick Your Safe Word?
Well just as the phrase goes, communication is indeed key. Your first step towards picking a safe word should always be communicating with your partner. Talk and give out suggestions and try to come to a mutual decision, something that is simple and easy to remember. Something that is associated with something of personal value to you or your relationship or even something related to an intimate memory of you and your partner.
Some people even use traffic light colors as safe words to instruct their partner. For example, green for “keep going”, yellow for “slow down” and red for “stop”. Some other popular safe words are names of fruits, vegetables, favorite movies, or fictional characters.
Remember to keep the safe words as simple as possible depending on your scale of sexual extremism. This will help you ensure your safety while practicing bondage and using BDSM collars and similar items.
When Should You Use Safe Words?
Safe Words are meant to be used during any moment you may face discomfort while being sexually intimate with someone. However, in recent times, sexual safe words are only fashioned to be used during a rough session that involves bondage and the submissive and dominant power dynamic. The submissive often use safe words in a similar scenario to instruct the dominant about their psychological and physical status. The submissive can guide the dominant to either be rougher and become more extreme or ask them to stop or slow down in case the submissive feels any potential sensation that overwhelms them.
You should also use safe words for couple in a similar situation to indicate to your partner your status and what you want them to do next; being submissive doesn’t mean you have to surrender all control, it’s more like allowing your dominant to take control. The power dynamic is about the shift of control, not loss. This also allows you to try out sex toys like nipple clamps with the security of your safety.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1. What are some commonly used Safe Words?
Ans. Some commonly used good safe words are red, yellow, and green based on traffic light signals, fruit names, vegetable names, fictional characters, names of countries, greek numbers, names of planets, names of animals, etc. Anything that you find easy to remember and convenient for both partners can be used as a safe word.
Q2. Can the dominant also use safe words?
Ans. Yes, using a safe word goes both ways. Although safe words are typically used by the submissive partner as the dominant is naturally in control so they have the liberty to take actions based on their comfort unlike the submissive who has to indicate their status psychologically or physically. The dominant on the other hand can decide to use safe words to indicate any similar set of instructions.
Q3. Is it necessary to have a Safe Word in BDSM?
Ans. Any sexual act that has the potential to push your usual sexual boundaries needs a safe word. BDSM involves bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism which can be the peak of sexual risks as it also involves extreme sexual practices like needle play, knife play, and cnc along with the usage of items like a spanking paddle or a ball gag. Carrying out these practices can sometimes take a huge toll either psychologically or physically or maybe even both on the submissive partner oftentimes.
Q4. When should you use a safe word during sex?
Ans. A safe word can be used to indicate various things both negative and positive. For example, if you are in a scene that involves a multitude of sexual extremities it’s always good to use the safe word to indicate and let your partner know when you are reaching your pain tolerance.
BDSM and rougher sex, in general, have gained quite a popularity in recent times as we as a society evolve and grow an appetite to look for uniqueness in our everyday daily activities or tasks. With the rise in the popularity of riskier sex, there’s also a need for safety that has to be met.
This is exactly where safe words play a major role in driving this movement along. It is quite common to see partners who are sexually intimate with each other use safe words more as the risk level increases. This further helps in normalizing the usage of safe words even in non-risky sexual practices. This usage of safe words for sex to guide your partner is a practice in modern-day sex culture that has pure benefits and is something that we can collectively get behind.