Sub Drop BDSM

So you have had an amazing BDSM scene with your partner and you’re feeling great, until suddenly you feel awful. Your body aches, you feel nauseous and dizzy, your hands and feet are cold, you feel like crying – welcome to sub drop!

For anyone who doesn’t know what is sub drop BDSM, it is the feeling of depression or anxiety that can happen after a BDSM scene. It is incredibly common, and it can be triggered by many different things. It is important to understand what sub drop is and how to deal with it, because it can be a very real and very difficult thing to deal with.

Understanding of Subspace

Understanding of Subspace

Understanding sub-drop directly correlates with understanding sub-space. Subspace is the mental zone that we enter during sessions of BDSM using toys like sexual handcuffs, spreader bars or sex restraints. We are all familiar with the constant feeling of extreme ecstasy with the sensation of being under the influence of chemicals. BDSM has a lot to do with the brain like everything else in life, of course. The subspace that varies greatly among different individuals procreates constant adrenaline and endorphin rushes propelling us to push through the pain barrier. Even at times in a bid for otherworldly pleasure.

What is Subdrop

What is Subdrop

BDSM sub-drops come at us in a very, at times, haunting manner right after this. The sessions along with it, the constant rush and flow of the inner body chemicals result in an imbalance. Imbalance when heightened is what we refer to as the sub drop. Important to remember the subdrop is not simply related to the submissive, the dominants are prone to it equally as well. The lasting period of a subdrop usually lasts from a few hours to days. There is the feeling of depression or isolation or guilt or even a bucket load of embarrassment. 

Now, with an understanding of what is sub-drop, the primary task becomes the treatment of the BDSM drop once it plunges us. BDSM drop can happen once or a few times or in a period constantly and then go away for a good long time. The ways to manage the BDSM sub-drop are all within our hands though.

What are the symptoms of Sub Drop in BDSM?

What are the symptoms of Sub Drop in BDSM

The following are six common symptoms of d&s sub drop:

  1. Sadness or feelings of emptiness: After an intense scene, a submissive partner may feel like they are “coming down” from a high. They may feel sad or empty, as though something is missing.
  2. Anxiety or nervousness: Another sub drop symptoms are anxiety or nervousness. A submissive partner may feel on edge, afraid, or even panicked.
  3. Insomnia: It is not uncommon for those experiencing sub drop to have difficulty sleeping. They may be unable to fall asleep, or they may wake up frequently throughout the night.
  4. Appetite changes: An individual experiencing sub drop may notice changes in their appetite. They may have no appetite at all, or they may find themselves ravenous.
  5. Irritability: Sub drop can also cause irritability and moodiness. A person may find themselves snapping at those around them for no reason.
  6. Depression: Finally, some people who experience sub drop will also suffer from depression. This can range from mild forms of “the blues” to full-blown clinical depression. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it is important to reach out to your partner and/or a trusted friend or loved one for support.

How to Handle Sub Drop if you find yourself in this Situation?

How to Handle Sub Drop if you find yourself in this Situation

It is important to understand what sub drop is and how to deal with it, because it can be a very difficult thing to deal with. Here are some pointers to start with. Subdrop will eventually be experienced by every one of us actively partaking in BDSM, that is, Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission and Sadomasochism.

Acknowledge what you’re Feeling

The first step is to acknowledge that you are feeling low and that it is okay to feel that way. It can be tempting to bottle up your emotions and try to push through them, but that will only make things worse in the long run. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and let them know what you need in order to feel better. Communicating honestly is key in any relationship, but especially so when dealing with something as sensitive as sub drop.

Identify the Cause

Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, it’s time to try and identify the cause. Was the scene particularly intense? Did something happen during or after the scene that upset you? Once you’ve pinpointed the source of your emotions, it will be easier to address them head-on. However, sometimes the cause of your sub drop may not be immediately apparent. In these cases, it’s important to trust your gut and go with what feels right. You know yourself better than anyone, so trust your instincts on this one.

Talk About it with your Partner

Once you’ve identified the source of your emotions, it’s time to talk about it with your partner. This can be a difficult conversation, but it’s an important one. Remember that your partner cares about you and wants you to feel happy and fulfilled. They need to know how you’re feeling in order to help make sure that future scenes are enjoyable for both of you.

If something happened during a scene that made you uncomfortable, be sure to communicate that to your partner as well. They may not have realized how their actions were affecting you and will likely be more than happy to make adjustments in future scenes. Honesty is always the best policy when communicating with your partner.

Why Sub Drop Happens More in Committed Relationships

Why Sub Drop Happens More in Committed Relationships

Sub drop is a common occurrence in BDSM relationships, but it can happen in any kind of committed relationship. It happens when the dominant partner suddenly withdraws all of their love and attention, leaving the submissive feeling abandoned and alone. Here’s a closer look at why this happens and what you can do about it. 

Commitment Phobia

One of the most common reasons for sub drop is commitment phobia. The dominant partner may start to feel smothered by the relationship and begin to pull away as a result. They may also have feelings of guilt or shame about what they’re doing and start to distance themselves emotionally from their partner. If you think this might be the case, try communicating openly with your partner about your concerns. You may also want to consider seeking counseling or therapy together to help work through these issues.

Unresolved Issues

Another common reason for sub drop is unresolved issues between the partners. These could be anything from jealousy and insecurity to resentment and anger. If there are unresolved issues in your relationship, they will need to be addressed before sub drop can be resolved.

I am repeating again, communication is key here. Talk to your partner about what’s going on and see if you can work together to find a resolution. If you’re unable to resolve the issues on your own, you may need to seek outside help from a counselor or therapist. 

Lack of Aftercare

In BDSM, aftercare is a crucial part of any scene. It’s a time for the partners to reconnect and check in with each other after the scene is over. Aftercare typically includes things like cuddling, talking, and possibly even sex. It’s important to make sure that both partners are on the same page about aftercare before starting any scene. If one partner isn’t into it, that’s perfectly fine, but both partners need to be aware of this going into it. Without aftercare, sub drop is much more likely to occur. 

Also Read: How to Care for Bruises and More BDSM Play Recovery Tips


Though sub drop BDSM can occur in any type of relationship, it seems to happen more frequently and with greater intensity in committed relationships. This is likely because the emotional connection is stronger between two people who are committed to each other.

The feelings of sadness, loneliness, and anxiety that come with sub drop can be difficult to handle, but fortunately, there are things you can do to ease the transition back to everyday life. If you communicate openly with your partner about your needs and expectations, you can help make post-scene blues a thing of the past.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1. What is Sub Drop BDSM and how does it manifest emotionally?

Sub Drop BDSM refers to the emotional and physical response some submissives may experience after an intense BDSM scene. Emotionally, it can manifest as feelings of vulnerability, sadness, or even a temporary shift in mood. It occurs due to the release of endorphins during play and the subsequent drop in their levels post-scene.

Q2. Are all submissives prone to experiencing Sub Drop BDSM?

Not all submissives experience Sub Drop, as individual reactions vary. Factors such as mental state, overall health, and the intensity of the BDSM activity can influence susceptibility. Communication with partners and aftercare practices can mitigate the risk.

Q3. How long does Sub Drop typically last, and is it permanent?

The duration of Sub Drop varies among individuals and can last anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days. It is not permanent, and with proper aftercare, emotional support, and self-care, the submissive usually recovers. If feelings persist, seeking professional advice may be beneficial.

Q4. How can sub drop be managed or prevented?

To manage or prevent sub drop, aftercare is essential. Aftercare involves comforting and nurturing the submissive after a scene. Open communication with your partner is crucial, as is staying hydrated, eating, and engaging in self-care. Recognizing your limits and practicing responsible BDSM can also help reduce the likelihood of sub drop.

Q5. What is the role of aftercare in preventing or alleviating Sub Drop BDSM?

Aftercare is crucial in mitigating Sub Drop. It involves providing emotional and physical support to the submissive after a scene, including cuddling, reassurance, and open communication. This helps in grounding the submissive, reducing anxiety, and fostering a sense of safety and connection.

Q6. Can dominants also experience emotional aftereffects similar to Sub Drop BDSM?

While the term “Top Drop” or “Dom Drop” is sometimes used to describe emotional responses in dominant post-scene, it is less common. Dominants may experience a range of emotions, including fatigue or a sense of responsibility, but the dynamics of Sub Drop are typically more associated with submissives.


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