BDSM relationship model

If we talk about kink and sex fetish, then BDSM relationship is the most demanded main course on the sex menu. There’s a common myth about the BDSM relationship model, people find it unnatural and something alien to society, that follows a traditional, or an old-school sex culture- vaginal and penis sex. BDSM is something that breaches the boundaries of traditional sex, which is why considered a TABOO practice in some countries.

The real definition of BDSM is still a topic of mystery, for some people, it’s all about role-play and sex, some people do it as a punishment session on their partner (which is a heinous crime), and for some people, BDSM is all about dominating your partner, which is why most of the men also termed BDSM as “Raw sex”. But the reality is poles apart, BDSM relationships are not about sexual intimacy. BDSM includes a spectrum of sexual acts, and there’s a lot of it that you need to learn about it.

If you’re just getting started with your BDSM relationship, then this blog post is for you. We have assembled an ultimate guide on BDSM relationships, revealing different types of BDSM relationships, and which model such as Knife play, nipple play, etc. will suit you.

Before We Dive Deep, What is BDSM?

what is bdsm

Flying straight to higher realms of BDSM relationships can lead to a terrible crash landing. So here’s the definition: 

BDSM is a short-term (Bondage Dominance Submission And Masochism) that is used to describe different aspects of sexual relationships between a couple. A BDSM relationships typically is all about role play where one partner (Dominance) is dominant over his/her (submissive) partner during sex.

BDSM Relationship Types

  • Bondage- Bondage means taking over your partner’s freedom of movement, for instance tying your partner with handcuffs, ropes, and other restraints. 
  • Dominance- Dominance is a characteristic of a dominant partner who takes charge in bed and fulfills their sexual wishes with their partner. 
  • Submission- The act of surrendering to the dominant partner and supporting him/her to fulfill her wishes and fantasies
  • Sadomasochism- The act where one partner gets pleasure either from inflicting pain or receiving pain emotionally and physically.
Also Read: Red Flags in BDSM Dating & Relationships

If BDSM Is Not Your Thing

BDSM is one main segment of a relationship that people practice with mutual understanding to spice up every corner of their ship. Monotonous sex life or having sex in a set routine pattern can feel boring and no fun. BDSM is something can that can save your sinking ship. 

If BDSM Is Not Your Thing

Still, if you think that a BDSM relationship is not your kind of relationship, and something is missing then you need to talk it out with your partner. There’s a spice button for every relationship, for some BDSM works well, for some, oral sex does the trick. And, there’s no one size fits all solution for every business. You need to come out of the closet and unlock your wishes, relationship status, or sexual fantasies with your partner.

Types of Relationships

Types of Relationships

Your relationship model should not be a one-way road. If you’re not feeling complete, and something is missing then there are other different versions of relationships that you can try (hope you’ll find that missing puzzle of your love or sex life). Here we have listed some relationships that you should have a look at:

Monogamous Relationship

A monogamous relationship is a common one. In this BDSM relationship model, both partners decided to be committed to each other. They can have only one partner at a time—no cheating.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Relationship

You might have gotten some idea from the name. DADT (Don’t ask, don’t tell) relationship is a type of relationship where both or one partner agrees on a treaty of being involved openly with other people but has to agree not to share any information related to his/her partner with anyone. DADT might seem like a dream come true, that you can meet and hook up with any girl/boy without facing the wrath of your partner. But it can do terrible things for you if you’re emotionally busted and start having feelings for your partner.

Serial Monogamy

Serial Monogamy

A serial monogamy relationship model is the latest trend where one person ends one romantic relationship in a very little time (3 to 4 months maximum) and moves to another relationship. A serial monogamist doesn’t like to be in a long-term relationship.


Cheating in a relationship is the act of being unfaithful to another partner or spouse. People cheat when they find something missing in their current relationship. It could be anything- good sex, money, conversation, good looks, understanding, or even power. If you’re missing out on something in your current relationship, it’s better to talk it out instead of looking out for that missing piece somewhere around.

Open Relationship

Open relationship means having multiple romantic partners at a time. Both parties agree that they have the freedom to date. They can have multiple partners, at one time, and can have a sexual or romantic relationship. Basically, the arrangement’s agreement is the key element of an open relationship.

Solo Polyamory

Solo Polyamory

In solo polyamory, a person can have one or more relationships with people. But there’s no hindrance or someone’s control over their lifestyle. Such people do not live with partners or share finances or even have any interest in long-term relationships.

Closing Thoughts

I hope that you have gained some relevant insights into different relationship models. We expect that you have found the missing piece of the relationship which will strengthen your bond with your partner. Doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you’re into, consent is crucial. 

Here are some bonus takeaways: always respect your partner’s boundaries, be a good listener, and don’t forget to come out of the closet on anything.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1. What is a BDSM relationship model?

A BDSM relationship model refers to a consensual and negotiated form of relationship that involves bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. Participants willingly engage in power dynamics, exploring various aspects of kink and fetish activities within a framework of trust and communication.

Q2. How do partners establish consent in a BDSM relationship?

Consent is a cornerstone of BDSM relationships. Partners communicate openly about their boundaries, desires, and limits before engaging in any activities. Establishing a safe word or signal is common, allowing either party to immediately halt activities if they become uncomfortable or need a break.

Q3. Are BDSM relationships inherently abusive?

No, BDSM relationships are not inherently abusive. They are based on trust, communication, and mutual consent. The key difference is that activities in a BDSM dynamic are negotiated and agreed upon in advance, distinguishing them from abusive relationships where consent is absent, and actions are coercive or non-consensual.

Q4. How important is communication in a BDSM relationship?

Communication is crucial in BDSM relationships. Partners discuss their fantasies, limits, and expectations openly. Ongoing communication helps build trust and ensures that both individuals feel safe and respected throughout their exploration of power dynamics and kink activities.

Q5. Can anyone participate in a BDSM relationship, or is it only for certain individuals?

BDSM is consensual and inclusive. It is open to anyone who willingly engages, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or background. However, participation requires thorough communication, respect for boundaries, and a commitment to understanding and adhering to the principles of safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) or risk-aware consensual kink (RACK).


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