Spanking for beginners

Out of so many BDSM kinks, one of the most popular and the most fantasized kinks is Sexual Spanking. Without a shadow of a doubt, every couple, BDSM or Vanilla has thought about trying out Spanking in bed. The intensity might vary for a Vanilla Spanking and a BDSM Spanking but the combination of pleasure and pain is what most people crave. Sexual Spanking for beginners is not only a fiery spice to add to one’s sex life but also a major subcategory of Sadomasochistic play in BDSM. In fact, so many beginners at BDSM try out Spanking first, in order to get used to the roughness and the passion.

In this article, we will try to curate a guide to spanking to help you and your partner let go of your inhibitions and try it out once. So, let’s get right into it.

What is Sexual Spanking?

Sexual Spanking is a part of BDSM Play where the partners, the Submissive and the Dom, consensually engage in Hitting or Slapping different body parts (mostly butts), to experience pleasure caused by the pain. The extent, mode, and intensity of Sexual Spanking may vary from couple to couple. In the sense that, it doesn’t have to be as intense as a typical BDSM play. Even Vanilla couples can try their hands at Sexual Spanking.

What is Sexual Spanking

Most pleasure is usually derived from Spanking at areas with the maximum fat or muscles. This is why butts are a popular zone. It is also used by hardcore BDSM players to establish the Power dynamics in the BDSM relationship as the Dominant and the Submissive. We will now discuss the details of Sexual Spanking and how to do it for beginners.

Tips to Enjoy Sexual Spanking

Tips to Enjoy Sexual Spanking

The following tips and tricks to explore Sexual Spanking for beginners will be applicable to everyone as it doesn’t get specific on the kind of Spanking you are into. Before you develop your interests and specific likings, you can follow these tips to give you a head start into the magical land of Sexual Spanking.

Communicate your Desires & Boundaries

Before you get down to Sexual Spanking, it is better to discuss the Boundaries beforehand. There could be certain physical or psychological triggers related to the pain that is usually caused by Spanking. You need to make sure that conversation is dealt with sensitively and steer clear of any such triggers while Spanking. Only once you know these Hard Limits and have the Consent of your partner should you move ahead with Sexual Spanking. 

Apart from this, you should also discuss your intentions and expectations from Sexual Spanking so that you are on the same page. Both partners need to be able to enjoy this Sadomasochistic experience in the giving and receiving of pain respectively. You can incorporate specific role-play or positions in accordance with what your partner likes which makes it a more experimental and wholesome experience. 

Establish a Safeword

Before any BDSM or Vanilla experience, it is advised to curate your own Safe Words or Safe Signals as a couple. Anytime during play, especially something as wild as Sexual Spanking where there is active hitting involved, Safe Words play an integral role in maintaining the consensual rights and the veto power of both partners. If either of the partners feels uncomfortable during Erotic Spanking, they can simply call the safeword to stop it all.

Establish a Safeword

There can even be different intensities of SafeWords that you can use as warnings. For instance, Red means to stop completely, Yellow means to be mindful but continue, and Green means it’s all good in the hood.

Pose for the Sexual Spanking for beginners

After the Safety measures and discussions are out of the way, you are going to want to do it in the best possible way to feel the passion, pleasure, and pain. Now, for that, there are different Positions to Sexual Spanking which we shall be discussing in this Erotic spanking guide. The most common positions among Spankers are: Lying Down, On All Fours, and Over the Knee. These positions not only give a right angle to the Spanker but the Spankee is also in a comfortable position to be able to endure the Spanking for a longer period of time. You can play the positions with according to the Roleplay or some specific desires of either of the partners.

Get the Technique Right

Spanking for beginners isn’t just about hitting it all out right, left, and center. Of Course, it does get to that but much later. Spanking for beginners needs the right way to do it to cause an equal amount of pleasure and pain. The butt cheeks need to warm up before you can take out the best in yourself. A few lights slaps and regular rubbing and embracing of your play area are what you should do initially. It is also advised to keep your fingers together while Spanking to minimize the pain but also keep changing the Hand shape and angles from which you spank. Apart from that, try covering the whole of your partner’s butt as these strong muscles can endure a lot of pain for a longer time if the spanking is well-distributed across a larger area. 

Get the Technique Right

For beginners, it is advisable to stick to hands as a Spanker and butts as the Spankee before you introduce Spanking Paddle and other body parts. What keeps both your partner and you in the Spanking is constant communication and exchange of feedback. If you keep talking and communicating how you feel, it reassures the partner that things are going well as well as keeps the passion alive by turning them on even more.

Also Read: Coming out of the Closet – How to do it?

Know the Sexual Spanking Zones

While Sexual Spanking your partner, raid the whole area of the butt completely. There are four zones that send different stimulations across the Spankee’s body. The Top which is near the lower back, The Sides are at the hip area, the Undersides continue into the thighs, and the Fleshy Center. Switching between these areas also gives breathing space to the other areas from time to time and does not end up in bruising. Also, towards the end of Sexual Spanking, you can shift to the Undersides to give the most pleasurable pain.

Don’t Skip the Aftercare

Don’t Skip the Aftercare

Spanking for beginners can get inevitably intense for both partners. So, aftercare becomes very important in this case. All the pain caused by Spanking can send the Submissive partner into a whole different space of numbness or could even trigger psychologically. Hence, for the Dominant to be present and tender with the partner is very important during Aftercare. This helps the Sub to gradually come back to a normal space of mind. A few things that the Dom can do are cuddling, talking, providing warm blankets or water, etc. 

Once the Sub is calmer and out of the Subspace, they need to provide some care of their butts as well. They go through a lot so it is highly probable to leave the butt all blue post Sexual Spanking. To avoid any long-term issues, the Sub should use an Ice pack for about 20-30 minutes, at least twice a day. You can also use other home remedies like aloe vera gel to keep your bottoms cool.

Buy Spanking Gear if you can

This is only once you get into the groove of Sexual Spanking. Once you’re able to instinctively crack it right, you can amp things up by investing in whips, a Spanking bench, and other Spanking Gear if you like. You also need to be passionate enough about Spanking along with your partner to be able to spend so much money on the Sadomasochistic play. If not, you can simply continue with the hands and fingers.


In this spanking guide for beginners, we have covered the main steps that you must follow when you plan to explore sexual spanking. At the same time, we would suggest you not get too technical about it, keep the basics in mind and devise your own special way to treat your partner while Spanking. Trust your instincts! Ask what your partner would like and add all of that to become a pro at the art of Spanking. We hope that this Erotic Spanking Guide was of help to you and your partner in getting the basics right. Do write to us narrating all about your experiences as first-time Sexual Spankers. We’ll be waiting!

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: Is spanking safe for beginners?

When done with communication, consent, and awareness of boundaries, spanking can be safe for beginners. It’s crucial to start gently, communicate openly with your partner, and establish a safe word for immediate cessation if needed.

Q2: What are some beginner-friendly tools for spanking?

For beginners, it’s advisable to start with hands for spanking. As you become more experienced, you can explore using soft implements like padded paddles or floggers designed for beginners to control intensity.

Q3: How do I communicate with my partner about trying spanking?

Open communication is key. Choose a neutral time to discuss desires, boundaries, and establish a safe word. Respect your partner’s comfort level and be open to ongoing communication to ensure a positive experience for both.

Q4: Are there specific areas on the body that are safer for spanking?

Spanking is generally safer on areas with more padding, such as the buttocks. Avoid sensitive areas like the lower back, spine, and kidneys. Communication is vital to ensure you and your partner are comfortable with chosen areas.

Q5: What should I do if my partner expresses discomfort during spanking?

If your partner expresses discomfort, stop immediately and check in with them. Establishing a safe word beforehand allows for clear communication and the ability to halt the activity if either person feels uncomfortable.

Q6: How can I incorporate aftercare into spanking for beginners?

Aftercare is essential for emotional and physical well-being. After spanking, provide comfort, reassurance, and tenderness to your partner. This can include cuddling, verbal affirmations, or any other soothing activities that help create a positive and supportive atmosphere.


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