If we talk about sex, BDSM is something that you will not find on the list of sex menus for many people. The horrors of BDSM, such as sexual abuse, pain, and mental trauma, no informed consent are of some the devils that portray BDSM as Taboo, but the reality is poles apart.
BDSM is the safest kind of sex, and it’s not only about cuffs, ropes, dominance, and dirty talking. If you’re a BDSM beginner, you might have stomach jitters about what is coming for you. BDSM can be hard to imagine more than a red room with whips, and chains to excite you, all thanks to Fifty Shades Of grey.
Indeed, BDSM practice does involve role-play and props, but it’s better to do things slowly until you and your partner figure out what BDSM feels like for you and your partner.
Be it if you’re a veteran in a BDSM session or someone who is just trying it for the first time, BDSM requires a lot of prep work, research, and guidance on informed consent to make it healthy and pleasurable for both partners.
If your hormones are erupting out for BDSM and you want to give it a try with your partner then this blog post is for you. So let’s dive deep into the blog, and debunk some irrelevant facts about BDSM.
What is BDSM?
Experimenting with BDSM directly is like touching a hot pan without knowing it. So first things first, what is BDSM?
The term BDSM stands for Bondage Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism. Humans are pretty kinky, they love experiencing sex more than just vaginal-penis intercourse. BDSM is a romantic way of showing love to your partner in a kinky way. BDSM is real life is all about making love and exchanging power dynamics between two partners.
Also, there’s a common myth that BDSM is all about sexual intercourse during role play or after impact play, but this is not the case. BDSM is the game of sensations where sex is optional.
BDSM Myths and Stigma That are Wrong
One of the common myths about the BDSM community is that BDSM is filthy sex that is more about inflicting violence or pain on someone else. Thanks to the content juicy and intense sex exploration videos on porn sites that often shows BDSM as Dominance, Violence, forceful sex, and objectifying women.
But in real life, BDSM is all about informed consent, planning, trust, and two-way communication that builds a meaningful relationship between the partners.
Another stigma due to which BDSM challenges to crawl into the list of traditional or normal sex is that people have a history of abuse or trauma. One dead fish spoils the whole pond, this is what exactly fits people having a bad history with BDSM. The bottom line is that some bad BDSM encounters paint the entire community and show BDSM as the dark side of traditional sex.
How Many People Practice BDSM?
BDSM is not considered natural sex, and for some people, it breaches the boundaries of traditional sex and sometimes they ask about BDSM legal aspects as well. BDSM is a taboo which makes it a more intense and pleasurable experience for people who are curious about it. Indeed BDSM is not accepted by society, but it is aggressively practiced by thousands of people under the layers. Studies have shown that more than 47% of women and 60% of men like impact play and fantasized about being dominated by someone in bed sexually. Also, the BDSM training for beginners results on Google are around 4,810,000.
History Behind BDSM- Long Penetrated History Of BDSM
“An Illustrated History of the rod” by William M. Cooper is a part of texts and arts from ancient Greece history that talked about how physical pain was used as an erotic stimulus. The book was published in 1868, long before the advent of the internet—it means no pornography and adult, just sex behind the walls.
The Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian text that covers hundreds of different sex positions and talks about love making has also written some pieces on BDSM and how it can heighten your pleasures in different ways.
According to study of Kinsey Institute study carried out in 1953, it’s been found that more than 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men feels sexually aroused by being bitten sexually.
Learn The Ropes of Healthy BDSM
If you’ve ever bitten, tickled, or spanked your partner while cuddling, congratulations if guys have already dabbled into a light BDSM mode unknowingly.
Why do people like to delve deeper into BDSM? Well, this question seems a no-brainer because it comes in a variety. From role-playing to impact play, BDSM is a great release that can provide higher realms of erotic sensations if done right. Most beginners re-enact a sex scene from any adult film or erotic novel without any prior experience, preparation, or education which can be dangerous.
BDSM is complete psychological domination, where one part bosses on another partner during sexual submission. But what people often forget to bring on the table with ropes, handcuffs, and costumes for role play is Sexual consent.
Informed Consent and BDSM
Consent is sexy, respecting your partner’s boundaries, and being aware of his/her physical limitations or mental stages makes the BDSM more intense and kinky than any other sexual intimacy. It’s like coming out of the reel like a projector because real work doesn’t work this way. Consent is paramount in every stage of sex, forget sex even if you want to kiss your partner. Informed consent should be the central focus during the whole act. The entire plot of fifty shades of grey is a myth where sexual consent is horrible and understated. Like how the virgin girl character (Ana) in a movie dabbled into a life of BDSM with a screwed emotionless billionaire.
But almost everything worked with Ana, she was comfortable and isn’t consenting to almost anything that guy is doing with her in Fifty shades. I have no problem with fifty shades, but the way such movies objectify women as a pleasure machines is truly downright.
Be it a dom, women, or men taking charge in bed, informed consent should be both ways. You cannot just surprisingly crash on the third base and start spanking without having any prior discussion on your kinky intentions, that will also look weird right?
Kink, Alcohol, and Drugs is a Deadly Cocktail
Do you know that a wrong spanking on the region above the buttocks can injure your kidneys? Especially for someone who has less flesh in that area. So, getting started with spanking needs some beforehand knowledge as it is not a child’s play. Mixing it with drugs and alcohol is a suicide move, one wrong knot, and a game over. Alcohol can muddy your ability to give informed consent, which can be extremely dangerous and can lead to some serious injuries.
Always Practice Safe Words
You can also practice some safe words to signal your partner when to stop. It should be unique rather than just saying no. Many couples use to spotlight system where:
- Red means STOP
- Yellow means Check-in and slow down
- Green means You like it, good to go
Consent should not be too Formal
Coming directly to the point will make your partner feel strange and embarrassed about the process, and it will be a mood killer for you. Asking for consent doesn’t have to be normal, don’t be afraid of talking dirty. You can go like:
- Your ass looks so good! Mind if I spank you?
- You are so flexible and sexy! Mind if I spread your legs?
- Can I turn you over, and kiss your bottom from behind?
Doing a bit of reading about informed consent and sexual consent while jumping into BDSM can do a lot of good things to your relationship with your partner. There are no right or wrong tips in BDSM, all that matters is your partner’s consent. If you and your partner enjoy their roles, then it’s healthy.
But it is always important to check in because our body is full of hypersensitive receptors and made of flesh and blood. Never try to objectify your partner as a pleasure object. Think you are just helping each other to explore the undiscovered dimensions of sex and pleasure.